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Americans 85 years and older are the fastest growing segment of our population. Never in the history of the world have so many people lived so long.

Are you one of the millions of people caring for an aging parent, spouse or grandparent? Aging Deliberately can guide you through the complex problems and challenges of ensuring appropriate and safe care for your loved ones. We can also help you plan for your own future needs as you grow older.

Seventy percent of us are likely to need some kind of assistance before we died. Yet most of us have no idea of the services that are available, what’s needed, their costs, their quality, how they work together (or not) — or how to make wise choices.

Liz Taylor of Aging Deliberately has 35+ years experience providing expert consultations to families caring for their loved ones. She also assists adults in their mid years to prepare for their own aging while they’re healthy — and have the luxury of time to make thoughtful choices.

Most of us age accidentally, without planning or forethought. At Aging Deliberately, we help people prepare to age successfully — on purpose — because aging well is one of the most important life goals there is.

Join us to learn how to care for others and how to plan for your own future.

Read my latest post

Friends and Family

On Family and Friends

by Victor Bremson  

FriendsandFamily-AgingDeliberately“When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun!”          - Groucho Marx

I was at my men’s group this week and a conversation arose about the difference between good friends and family.

Family feels very tribal to me. I grew up in a family-tribe and for better or worse, I belong to that tribe— but what happens when part of that tribe becomes highly dysfunctional? And why should that tribal feeling dictate my (our) responsibility to be there when need arises? I know I have limits to who I can be there for, and so how do I make those choices consciously?  I am talking about responsible conscious choices instead of old scripts based on “should”….

From my place of observation many people hold onto families despite them becoming highly dysfunctional.  They will speak of much anger and pain from the relationships but still continue going back for more.

In my story my parents moved to Los Angeles from Cleveland when I was very young, and I therefore did not grow up with any strong sense of an extended family, and that feeling of extended family is something I have searched for most of my life.  I try to get it from friends — and sometimes that works but, most often, I observe that people choose family over friendship. A friend will complain constantly about a sibling and then fly across the world to be with them in trouble. Would they do the same thing for a close friend of many years? I understand these are not easy questions. And I am wondering if others think about these questions as well?

Certainly my best friend is my partner/wife of almost 50 years. We have shared much together and I am very grateful for her companionship in life. We have shared intimately about many issues that trouble us and have found a balance in our differences. It is much harder and riskier work to do this with friends and almost impossible to do this with most family. I think it has something to do with the fact that we have shared so much of life together and have worked hard to achieve a good relationship. But I am wondering why we don’t do these things more with our dear friends and close family.

BIO: Victor Bremson was a corporate consultant until retirement.  Since then he has received a doctorate from Wisdom University and has produced several events and taught/facilitated many classes in the Seattle area.  He was one of the founders of For The GrandChildren.  If you’d like to receive his always interesting newsletters, contact him at

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